In a little over four hours, I turn 39 and last year, I wrote on my birthday, if you are interested I wrote about it here. It’s a ridiculous age really, but I am truly grateful to be here and celebrating it. Or not celebrating it, as I don’t really and if I’m honest, if it wasn’t for my older girls reminding me every twenty seconds, I’d barely acknowledge it at all.
Anyway, here are 39 (or maybe not because it’s a lot) things I have done/learnt this last year:
- I had a baby. A wonderful baby who is almost a year old. She is the light of my life. Although I am counting the hours until she goes to my parents for the night tomorrow so that I can get a full night of sleep.
- I found the perfect pair of jeans. And they were £3.95 in a charity shop. Philanthropy and good trousers. Win win.
- I survived my children starting school. I did not cry, I was a bit sad, I don’t think at all about the fact that they won’t ever be at home with me again because I would not stop crying about that. I very much maintain that they are too young (all Reception kids are) for a formal school setting.
- I maintained and deepened my love for politics.
- I realised that my love for the above leads to division and argument. I’ve always aligned very closely to the political views of my parents and now I don’t so much and that’s odd. My in-laws are all Leave voters and though they are respectful, that also is weird.
- I was disappointed by school mums and their cliques and things then realised just as quickly that I don’t care. I have no desire to be friends with a single one of them and they can keep their cliques and all that that entails.
- I have been to 5634823 birthday parties. More accurately, eight? Seven? Always boring. Always awkward as nobody talks to me at all. Always grateful that my mini sidekick comes and plays with her stacking cups.
- My big girls started sleeping well. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I realise now that my twins were not good sleepers. Even a year ago, I was regularly up with one or both for hours in the night while they needed me to sit on their bed and rub their foot or whatever while they fell asleep. Sing round after round of the ‘bed song’ (Lavender Blue) while stroking their hair. And Gracie would regularly start the day at 5am. Now though, they sleep from 7pm to usually around 6am.
- Realised that Philanthropy and Good Trousers would be a great band name. Or a book title.
- Also realised that 39 is too many.
- Stopped using hair extensions. I toy with the idea occasionally but I can’t afford them and my hair is in really good condition and they always wreck it, even if you’re super careful.
- Had four fringes and five growing out phases. Guess which one I’m in now?
- Started dyeing my eyebrows. I did it first before going to have Pops as I have super blonde eyebrows and I thought I’d look like I had a bit of make-up on even when I didn’t. Anyway, I still do it now. Every six weeks or so and it just helps.
- Advocated for and got a c-section. Everyone was anti and the consultant was rude but I stood firm and Poppy was born calmly and beautifully exactly as we planned.
- Not quite as we planned as they had two emergency c-sections that day and it was 4pm and I was HUNGRY but a really nice birth experience nonetheless.
- Attempted breastfeeding. Failed. Am fine with it.
- Remained as broody as anything.
- But won’t be having another baby.
- Cleaned. A lot. Too much probably. I realise rationally that my sink being spotless doesn’t matter to anyone but I can’t explain the fuzziness in my brain that just disappears when it is clean.
- Started to deal with what is probably health anxiety.
- Told my children I love them every single day. That they are clever, beautiful, kind.
- Loved Jody more and harder than I have done before. Two to three kids is so hard and I didn’t even think about the effect it would have on us as a couple. You know, we’d gone from just us to twins, this would be easy but it very much wasn’t and sometimes still isn’t and we have to keep working at it.
- Walked a lot. I will never be a runner and that is A-OK as bleurgh but I do love to walk.
- Had two fully toilet trained kids. Isla regresses sometimes as she is lazy about the loo but we are there. A pull up free house.
- Been a largely good mum.
- Can’t get to 39 but I have mostly been content. Happy on occasion, the odd patch of deep sadness but the last year has been one of contentment. Of feeling accepted and loved and generally a feeling of being exactly where I should be. I have a feeling that this year there will be a lot of upheaval and I think we are starting that from a good place.
So Happy Birthday to me and I need to go to bed now!
Narcissism over for another year….