Peach

Yesterday, in what is already a volatile political climate, Amber Rudd, the DWP Secretary, called Diane Abbott, the Shadow Home Secretary, ‘coloured’. I will say that she was condemning the abuse that she receives across social media, particularly in light of International Women’s Day but the fact remains that she used a long dead, outdated term to describe her. She apologised immediately but the damage was done, she was perceived as racist and that was that.

In the UK, as far as I am aware as a white person, the terms to be used are BAME (black and minority ethnic) or simply black. But it got me thinking about my girls and their use of terminology. This afternoon, I was looking through Tapestry with Grace and we were chatting about the kids in various superhero poses that were on there. I asked who someone was and she said: That’s ****, he’s brown.

When both girls draw themselves, they colour their skin colour in a peach Crayola pen. They have a couple but they use a specific colour that they have identified as the same as their own skin colour. If you were to ask them what colour they are, they would say peach. They do not identify as white, the colour they see in the mirror and in each other is peach.

So, they are peach and **** is brown and there are kids at school who are black, but I feel sure that they would identify as dark brown. There are kids that celebrate Christmas and kids that don’t. They spent a week learning about Eid and a week about Diwali and two weeks about Christmas. It is a non denominational school that celebrates British values, all of them, all religions, all languages, all colours and it is one of the reasons why I loved it when we visited over a year ago.

We live in a very white town. There are obviously Muslims here and black people but they are very much in the minority and I can’t imagine how it feels to be conspicuous in that way. Noticed. The nearest I can come is having newborn twins. I hated the attention and there was no getting away from it, no hiding a twin and hoping people wouldn’t notice. And that was for a good thing. I cannot even begin to imagine how it would feel to be noticed and then perceived in a negative way. Just living a normal life. So bonkers.

I guess what I am asking is when? When do I explain to my kids the words that they can use and that they can’t? Do I explain as they notice difference? It’s a minefield because we celebrate that children don’t care about difference, don’t notice it mostly, but if they do, their questions are welcomed and answered with knowledge and grace. But as an adult, we are now expected to notice and respect difference, to know how best to respond, how to acknowledge, to not use clumsy words, or ask the wrong questions.

I mean absolutely no offence in any of this, and if I have offended, I’m sorry and it isn’t meant. I don’t know the best way to navigate this and I’d like to do it right.