Stream of Consciousness

1. I have a complete inability to comprehend that I am having an actual baby in a little less than four weeks. We have prepared next to nothing, this is partly financial, partly due to lack of space but mostly due to the fact that I simply cannot get my head around there actually being a baby. We could have this baby any day now and she probably would require no special care as she’s cooked now, and I have visions of Jody running round buying things. Yet I still do nothing about buying anything.
2. She doesn’t have a name yet. We are so far off her having a name. This scares me. The girls want her to be called Katie. It’s tempting….
3. Isla suggested the name Henry this evening during story time.
4. The girls have started getting up really early. Like before 6am again. Which is not terrible until you take into account that the clocks go forward on Saturday in the UK.
5. I have complete writer’s block. No ideas. They don’t come to me at night anymore like they used to, I allocate the girls nursery time to write and I sit in front of the screen, and I have nothing. NOT A THING. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new story, an old one, an edit, a blog post, I have nothing to say. J says just write, it doesn’t matter what you write, just write what comes into your head. And that’s absolutely the right advice but it’s more of a confidence thing, I think.
6. But soon, there will be no time to write. Which panics me further.
7. I cannot wait for some warmer weather. We have had two little bouts of snow, which for this part of the world, is highly unusual. And in March. I wore a thick cardi and my big coat today. And a scarf. I’m over it. Also, over arguing with the girls about them wearing a coat. I want to just sling a cardi on them and we’re out the door.
8. I have started waking up in the early hours and reading. Either the internet or a book. Or playing Sims on J’s kindle. I don’t really know why. I think because it’s time on my terms. You know, time where no child is touching me or asking me a question. It’s lovely but making me tired. Combine this with the early start and I’m wanting to be in bed by about 9pm.
9. I have a horrible feeling that this baby will be born on the same day as Prince William’s baby. And that they’ll have a girl and call her Grace. A premonition. Maybe.
10. I have eaten meat three times this month. Never in the house, so I have had a meatless month at home but I got some baddish news on Friday so had a McDonalds cheeseburger. And then a bacon sandwich when J got food poisoning earlier this week. I’d had very little sleep and it was all I wanted to eat. It wasn’t even that good.