I have reconciled myself with every break up I have ever had. Whether I was dumped or I did the dumping, I am OK with it all, the way I felt about each one, the fact that I hope that every single person is happier now than they ever were with me. If that sounds selfless, it isn’t, it just comes from a place of love and of being loved.
Friends, however, are a whole different kettle of fish.
In my last job, the one that I had before the girls, I had amazing friends, people who started off as colleagues or staff and they became family. It is no exaggeration to say that one friend in particular went a long way to piecing me back together. I was in a very bad place when I started that job and her friendship allowed me to show a side of me that hadn’t been allowed to be shown. Put bluntly, she allowed me to be myself, and I doubt that without her doing that, I’d ever have been able to open myself up to Jody.
We supported each other through many things, big and little, not to mention the day to day minutiae of working together. I mentored her in lots of little ways, the bits of management that you can’t read about in a book and my word, did we laugh. Everything was funny sometimes and we would finish a day at work and still sometimes what’s app into the evening. She called me her chicken.
She moved to Australia with her boyfriend a little before the girls were born. The truth is, I didn’t ever really get on with him, I don’t really know why now. I was worried that she was being reckless, emigrating to the other side of the world with someone it felt like she barely knew. We kept in touch for ages, never quite getting the time difference right, waking each other up by texting something completely random.
Then it trailed off, and in a fit of pique, when I felt like everyone had left me, I unfriended her on facebook. That sounds silly, I’m 38, beyond facebook in many ways, but that ended it. She likes the odd photo of mine on instagram, and I always smile when I see that she has viewed my stories.
She is engaged now. To the same guy. Still living in Sydney. Everything she wanted has come to pass. She is a successful retail manager just like I was. I am jealous and proud and everything in between. I miss her very much. She didn’t hurt me, didn’t wrong me, didn’t do anything.
I wonder if she misses me too.